Have Smart Ass, Will Travel

Would you like me to write you a bunch of jokes?

Or maybe you're interested in booking me for my world-renowned one-man improv form "The Cheese"? (If so, make room in the budget for a pianist. Those guys make me look smart.)

Or perhaps you want to add me to your ever burgeoning stable of white dudes who like to think they're funny and want to give you ten percent of their money!

You can try me at twitter @Roostafarian or at facebook.com/sam.roos, or, if you insist, you can use this archaic series of boxes on the left to send me an email. I'd just put my email address right here, but I don't really want to just write it on the bathroom wall of the internet. Besides, I needed to fill the website out, anyway.